Trick or Treat?

Tonight was Quentin's first Halloween with us. It was so much fun watching our little Tigger run around! The night went off without a hitch. I expected him to tug at his costume and get fussy if we stayed out for more than half an hour but, much to my surprise and delight, he was an angel all night! He never once pulled at his costume and, believe it or not, he even sat perfectly still while I covered his whole face in make-up (not the best artistry on the make-up job, but it got the point across). Thank god for The Wiggles show! That kept him occupied as I did my best to bring Tigger to life.

We took him Trick-or-Treating around both Brian and my parents' neighborhoods and boy was he a trooper! He never cried or got scared or tired. He was happy to just walk up and down (and in) the street, babbling contentedly to himself. However, when we would get to a door, he would go stone faced as the people greeted us. He wasn't necessarily scared, but he definitely made sure I was right next to him. After the first few houses, he started to understand how this gig worked. With a little coaxing, he would gingerly reach into the bowl and select one single piece of candy (usually the one with the shiniest wrapper) and ever-so-carefully place it into his Elmo bucket. Then he'd immediately reach for my hand or my leg and snuggle up to me just to be sure I wasn't going to leave him. We had a few trips and spills and picked up the contents of poor Elmo's candy-filled head many times, but all in all he did pretty well. I hardly had to carry him as he much preferred walking on his own. And even as his furry little candy bucket was bowing under the weight of tiny chocolate bars and lollipops, he would absolutely not let go of it! Daddy would reach to grab it so he could lighten the load a bit and Quentin would have a few choice words to say about that (more like grunts and whines and foot stomping). So we'd just let him carry it, clutched in a double death grip, as both of us would stealthily swipe a few pieces of candy off the top when he wasn't looking (no, we didn't eat it! That would come later, when he was in bed :P

I remember thinking about Halloween a lot when we were going through the long adoption process. All of the holidays were hard to get through when we were waiting for Quentin, but for some reason, Halloween always stuck out to me as particularly painful. I'm not really sure why. Perhaps because it is one of the few hallmarks of childhood that has survived the generations and the increasingly younger ages at which children seem grown up and too "old" for Halloween (I remember playing make-believe games and Barbies even as late as 6th or 7th grade. Today's 12 year olds have cell phones and boyfriends!) Maybe the holiday brought back fond memories my own childhood Halloweens and made me want to share those memories with a little one. It's hard to pinpoint the reason, but as we tried to get pregnant and as we moved through the adoption process, I found myself marking the passage of time with the coming and going of yet another childless Halloween. I would try to cheer myself up by thinking "Well, maybe not this year, but defintely by next Halloween we will have our own little goblin running around." But when the 2nd and 3rd and 4th Halloween in row was spent watching other people 's joy as we handed out candy to their adorable kids, it became increasingly harder to be optimistic. I didn't know if I could face another November 1st with little more than a half-bag of uneaten treats to greet me. As fate would have it, Halloween '05 was the last time I'd find myself tossing out my hope with the leftover Smarties and rock-hard bubble gum.

As I flicked off the porch lights tonight and hurredly headed out the door with one eye on the drooping sun and the other on the fluffy oragne blur running towards the street, it occured to me that this Halloween we would be those proud parents with the perma-grins on our faces. We would be knocking on doors instead of answering them. We would gently prod the tiny costumed cutie to politely take one piece of candy instead of telling said cuties to go ahead, take a handful, we bought too much anyway. Our porch would be dark tonight for the first time in years and now, rather than sighing with sadness about another year come and gone and worrying about how much longer could I stand it, my biggest worry was how I was going to get all that orange and black make-up scrubbed off :)

***